If you’ve ever stayed at one of the many fine Ace Hotel establishments—like I did yesterday while attending the terrific Collision Conference in New Orleans—you’ve had a chance to enjoy the quirky design and decor sensibility that they bring to every location. Rooms are tastefully appointed with quirky anachronisms like acoustic guitars, antique refrigerators (rebuilt to serve as minibars), soap-on-a-rope, turntables with a selection of used vinyl records, and even working manual typewriters. It’s delightful.

Well get excited, because I’ve just come across a top secret list of new examples of outmoded technology coming soon to an Ace Hotel room near you. Imagine the fun you’ll have when your magnetic key card unlocks the door to your room and you walk in to find one or more of the following:

• A butter churn
• A loom
• A Sony Mini-Disc player with the complete Genesis and Phil Collins discography (through 1994)
• A CD-ROM with 200 free hours of AOL
• A Minitel videotex terminal (still works!)
• An unfinished homemade HAM radio set (please ground yourself before touching)
• An antique surgery table with matching scalpel set, slightly rusty
• An outhouse (with soap on a rope)
• A child laborer from the 19th Century (speaks with a Cockney accent)
• A room-sized mainframe computer with punchcard input system (rooms with single beds only)
• A Flowbee
• A pair of crutches (not technically outdated, but still cool)
• A diesel farming tractor
• A slide rule
• An ear trumpet
• A George Foreman Grill

Also rumored but not confirmed: starting later this year, Ace Hotel guests will be automatically enrolled into a new, exclusive social network that operates via telegraph wire.